So Shad and I have recently gotten involved in a marriage strengthening class, I wanted to do it because I think it is great to do anything that fortifies and makes for a better relationship, Shad intially did it because he thought it was important for me, but now he is more on board, anyway there is some cool stuff I am learning about that pertains to having a happy, well rounded, balanced marriage. The first thing that we covered were actually 4 cornerstones that President Hinkley metioned in a talk for couples. He said if these 4 things were happening that any marriage would be sitting on a sure foundation, instead of a weak one. The 4 are 1- Having mutal respect for each other - this one is pretty straight forward. 2 - Soft answers/soft replies even if disagreeing or in an arguement, granted easy to say harder to do, especially when your mad at each other, but even practicing this more it make a huge difference, for example I have found even if I am upset or have some concerns I want to express to Shad, that I don't have to be a big B and treat him poorly, I believe I can still treat Shad the way I would want to be treated even if I have negative feelings, yes they eventually need to be talked about and resolved but in the inbetween time I have learned (and still am learning) to still be kind and nice with my attitude and words, which inevitably creates better moments when we do process stuff. 3 - Financial honesty - he made a great point here that is he not talking financial responsibility as much as being honest and not doing the whole "my husband can never know I bought this or vice versa, that all financial matters are done together and both are on the same page. 4 - Couples prayer - he made a huge point here saying that if couples did this consistently, and this being different that the prayers you say over food or with your kids, but together morning and night, if more couple did this one and only this one, you would see communication improve dramatically. Shad and I are not as vigilant as we could be on this one, so we are trying for the next month every night to end the day with a prayer that we do together. The teacher talked about 3 things couples can do to strengthen marriage, 1 - husbands kissing thier wife before they leave and when they come home, he compared it to being their ticket out and their ticket back in. 2 - Call once a day and just check in. and 3 - again couples prayer. He talked about learning how to be pliable and flexible in a marriage and that it was essential to growing together and being able to meet each other halfway (comprimise) He made the comparison that a marriage is a corporation for those 2 people, it is our corporation so we need to always be working and making decisions together. He listed 8 areas that are couple areas that would be best discussed and decided together not necisarily delegated into different parts. They are Time, Money, Resources, Intimacy, Life Philosophies, Spirituality, Parenting-discipline, and communication-disputes/dissagreements. He taught that it is best never to make an individual decision in what would be a couples area. To not act like we are single in an area that belongs to both of us. He warned that talking each area out and trying to find middle ground is not the best way to find the comprimise, certainly we will talk about some of these things, but a better way is to start asking questions like, "is the way I am doing it now in a certain area comprimise?" and self assessing and checking in with your partner if it is or not, and make the adjustments from there. One other point that really stood out is that no one should be a better protector of your partner than you, not a sibling, not even a parent, that a spouse both the husband to the wife and the wife to the husband need to be each other best protector, essentially a warrior for each other, I really liked this and it helped me recognize that even when I am upset at Shad that it is still my job to be his greatest advocate and protector. He ended with it is better to be wrong together than correct apart, it can't be about my way but OUR way, we win, we lose together. and to be careful how we use no, use not right now or how about later or hey I will make time for that in so and so days, that no can be a way to flaunt your metaphorical muscles and just stop the conversation or close and cut off the other person. The key with this here though is to follow through if you have said later, or it is like saying no, just playing with the words. This gave me lots of food for thought, I know some of this stuff is straight forward and makes sense to anyone that is in a relationship, and most of you probley know this stuff anyways, it was helpful for me to assess how much of this I am doing and what I can do better, I really like this class and am excited to continue to go with Shad, I think we will be closer and have a stronger marriage because of it. :)
